On the first anniversary of my rebirth...
Today is a time for me to reflect.
On this day, one year ago, I was rushed to the hospital barely conscious, and very, very sick. To read about what happened, click here. It's a long read so I suggest you find a comfy spot, grab a cuppa tea or hot chocolate, and wrap yourself up in a blankie.
I've thought a lot about what this past year has meant to me and I feel an overwhelming inability to put it into words. The only way I can really peg it is to say that it was a time of rebirth for me. After just coming off Easter weekend where we celebrate Christ's victory over the grave I hope you won't see this post as trying to draw any parallels between Jesus and myself because, clearly, there can not be any. What I do feel though is that this past year has been one of renewal, reinvention and rebirth. How apropos that my illness and recovery occurred in the spring: the quintessential 'rebirth.'
I am not the woman I was 365 days ago. I love harder, work harder, am more disciplined, more focused, am more aware of the passage of time, and have an awareness of pain and suffering that was previously non existent.
These are the events of the last year that have served to change me:
The months of April and May found me struggling to beat, and then recover from, sepsis, flesh eating disease, and 'the heart attack that never was.' When I look back at that time I'm glad I wasn't aware of how long the road to recovery was going to be. There are times even now that I still feel the vestiges of my illness. Most notable are the constant pains and pinches in my armpit where the bacteria began it's assault. Some days are worse than others, where the pain spreads into my boobies and really aches, and some are just intermittent pinches. I can live with it. I watched Oprah recently and there was a woman who had the exact same thing I had, it even started in the exact location, and she lost her breast, 9 lbs of flesh, and her arm! When she moves too quickly, the bones from her shoulders pierce her flesh! It is times like this where I literally shudder and express my gratitude for coming through this illness virtually unharmed. I don't know why the Lord has been so good to me...I truly don't deserve His mercy.
In May, Mo spent four days in the hospital in so much pain that she was getting morphine every 3 hours (and it wasn't easing her suffering). Unable to diagnose the cause of her stomach pain with mechanical means, the surgeon, suspecting appendicitis, decided to go in and take a look. The surgery resulted in the removal of a tiny, but healthy, appendix : the surgeon told us that once you make an incision in that area, you must take out the appendix whether it is sick or not. The reason: an appendectomy scar indicates that the organ has been removed, if it hasn't then, in the future, a doctor wouldn't know that and may make a misdiagnosis. He said that he'd never seen such an unassuming appendix: it was tiny (smaller than normal) and was attached to the back of her colon. Could that have been the cause? We'll never know. She recovered quickly, didn't complain once, and was such a trooper that she was back up dancing a week later! She was even able to compete! THAT was scary to watch!!
June saw our family running to various dance competitions, piano recitals and the regular craziness that comes with wrapping up the school year. We had the opportunity to travel to a remote fishing village for the weekend but at the last minute had to cancel because I just wasn't well enough to tackle such a challenge. We may try to go this year.
July found us back in the hospital, in the same ER cubicle, but this time it was for my hubby. His heart was in atrial fibrillation and he required cardioversion, which requires sedation, the placing of pads on the chest and back and then the administration of a shock to, hopefully, get the heart back into a regular rhythm. Thankfully it worked and with God's mercy ,and some beta blockers, he has stayed in rhythm ever since. This event was where my life took a conscious directional shift. As I looked at Hub and noticed the bags under his eyes, observed his exhausted state, and realized that his funky heart was probably stress related, I began to find a way that I could ease some of his burden: I decided to find a job.
After exploring many options--medical school, nursing, biomedical engineering--I realized that they all came with major 'strings': I would have to re-locate my family, spend less time with them, and probably they would have to discontinue their dance, piano and other activities. After much stumbling, thinking, praying and exploring, I decided upon real estate. It would be perfect: I could study at home, it wouldn't interrupt our family life, the kids could still do all their activities and I could still maintain my position as a homemaker. As a career, real estate would serve to: ease some of the burdens from my hubby's wallet, allow me to work my own hours (thereby getting the kids to their activities) and seemed to be the best fit! I was excited.
The month of August found my husband and I doing a 13 week running program. During these runs we talked about my idea to enter real estate and decided that I would pursue it. Running was both great and HARD, but we persevered and ended up the program by doing 10km runs in under 60 minutes. Our goal was to do a triathlon in May 2010, but when the swimming portion of our training came up I found myself alone at the pool swimming laps (Hub's a bit nervous in the water). I enjoyed swimming so much more than running but unfortunately that darn arm of mine didn't. The pain and pinching became almost unbearable and eventually my entire training regimen (running and swimming both) died a quick death. I now run less than once every 2 months. Sigh. Hoping to get that back up and going again soon!
September and October were very busy with the start of school and organizing PAC events such as the Welcome Back BBQ. This was the first year for Miss Kay and I to be the President and Vice President of the school PAC and so it was a real whirlwind couple of months for us! The girls also began dancing at a new studio and that meant more hours dancing and overcoming the awkward 'newness' that comes with changes. In October, I began my real estate course.
November and December were filled with routine things and preparation for Christmas. I experienced my first, and definitely not my last, Black Friday shopping frenzy down south! What a crazy weekend! Christmas came and went, and we were able to get up to Hubby's parents place to spend a couple of days with family. Wonderful time. I finished the first half of my course.
In January, after studying the calendar, I realized that I was going to have to get really aggressive with completing my real estate course because I wanted to be finished before my family came down to spend the Olympics with us. I set my goal to complete the course in 6 weeks. It was lofty, it was overly aggressive and my family encouraged me not to set myself up for failure as I have always set my goals too high and always fallen way, way, way short of them. You know that saying: If you shoot for the moon, and you fail, at least you will fall among the stars? Well my goals are so high that when I fall I don't even make it out of the stratosphere! I really felt I could do this so I surged ahead. The first assignment I completed 2 days early, then the second one 4 days early, the third 8 days early...and on and on. It became clear to me if I continued at the pace I was going that this goal was going to be attainable. To make a long story short, I put in over 120 hours and finished the second half of the course in one week! I know it was through the Lord's hand that I was able to accomplish this. Undoubtedly! My goal to write the exam the day before my family arrived was met: I wrote the exam and got my grade that night, 91%!! I couldn't believe it!! So exciting.
February was a blast! Olympic fever struck our house HARD! My brother was so very generous with his tickets that Hubby and I got to take in about 5 events each! Hub was there for the men's Canada vs. Slovakia hockey game; I saw Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir win the gold medal in Ice Dancing Pairs; and even got to see Hedley and Great Big Sea perform at 2 victory ceremonies! When family and the Olympics left we felt a great void but it didn't last long because March came...
March brought the Paralympics and with that came the opening ceremonies that our girls got to perform in. I can't describe the feeling of sitting amongst 60,000 people waving glowing sticks and cheering for the dancers/performers and knowing that two of those little dancers were mine! I was so excited for them to have that opportunity! They had a fabulous time and had smiles a mile wide for quite awhile. This month also marked the beginning of dance competition. Our first was so successful with the girls winning all their categories. Kiki's tap number had the 5th highest mark for Division 1 and qualified for the Championships. They danced amazingly well and, if I may say so, they should have won!! Mo's jazz and modern group numbers were 7th and 8th highest for Division 2 but only the top 6 got to advance to the Championships. This competition saw Morgan WIN her first tap solo! She was amazing; we were so happy for her! March also saw me sign up with my real estate brokerage and receive my license to be a certified Realtor. Talk about irony: the day I signed up was one month short of my one year 'rebirth' anniversary. The moment was pretty intense for me.
April is here now and also full of exciting things. I already have a number of clients and am very excited to serve them. I think I'm going to LOVE this career! April also begins the Temple open house (from April 9-24) where I have been called to serve as a tour guide. The Lord has greater confidence in me than I do. I am stone cold terrified! Some say I write well, and I thank you for that, but I do not speak well. Things in my head lose their effect as they exit my mouth in words. I pray, fervently, that God will put the words in my mouth that I need to say. I also pray that you, my friends, will come to see this beautiful building. It is the House of the Lord and you can feel His spirit there. Please come!
So, that's my year. It's been a very momentous one--from near death to a rebirth--in 365 days. I know the hand of the Lord has supported, blessed, carried, and ministered to me. God and His Son, Jesus Christ, live, and They love each one of us. Family and friends are the most important things we can ever have in our lives. They also love, support, uplift and bless us. I am grateful to all the special people who have touched my life....you all mean so much more to me than I could ever express.
Thank you.
I love you.
On this day, one year ago, I was rushed to the hospital barely conscious, and very, very sick. To read about what happened, click here. It's a long read so I suggest you find a comfy spot, grab a cuppa tea or hot chocolate, and wrap yourself up in a blankie.
I've thought a lot about what this past year has meant to me and I feel an overwhelming inability to put it into words. The only way I can really peg it is to say that it was a time of rebirth for me. After just coming off Easter weekend where we celebrate Christ's victory over the grave I hope you won't see this post as trying to draw any parallels between Jesus and myself because, clearly, there can not be any. What I do feel though is that this past year has been one of renewal, reinvention and rebirth. How apropos that my illness and recovery occurred in the spring: the quintessential 'rebirth.'
I am not the woman I was 365 days ago. I love harder, work harder, am more disciplined, more focused, am more aware of the passage of time, and have an awareness of pain and suffering that was previously non existent.
These are the events of the last year that have served to change me:
The months of April and May found me struggling to beat, and then recover from, sepsis, flesh eating disease, and 'the heart attack that never was.' When I look back at that time I'm glad I wasn't aware of how long the road to recovery was going to be. There are times even now that I still feel the vestiges of my illness. Most notable are the constant pains and pinches in my armpit where the bacteria began it's assault. Some days are worse than others, where the pain spreads into my boobies and really aches, and some are just intermittent pinches. I can live with it. I watched Oprah recently and there was a woman who had the exact same thing I had, it even started in the exact location, and she lost her breast, 9 lbs of flesh, and her arm! When she moves too quickly, the bones from her shoulders pierce her flesh! It is times like this where I literally shudder and express my gratitude for coming through this illness virtually unharmed. I don't know why the Lord has been so good to me...I truly don't deserve His mercy.
In May, Mo spent four days in the hospital in so much pain that she was getting morphine every 3 hours (and it wasn't easing her suffering). Unable to diagnose the cause of her stomach pain with mechanical means, the surgeon, suspecting appendicitis, decided to go in and take a look. The surgery resulted in the removal of a tiny, but healthy, appendix : the surgeon told us that once you make an incision in that area, you must take out the appendix whether it is sick or not. The reason: an appendectomy scar indicates that the organ has been removed, if it hasn't then, in the future, a doctor wouldn't know that and may make a misdiagnosis. He said that he'd never seen such an unassuming appendix: it was tiny (smaller than normal) and was attached to the back of her colon. Could that have been the cause? We'll never know. She recovered quickly, didn't complain once, and was such a trooper that she was back up dancing a week later! She was even able to compete! THAT was scary to watch!!
June saw our family running to various dance competitions, piano recitals and the regular craziness that comes with wrapping up the school year. We had the opportunity to travel to a remote fishing village for the weekend but at the last minute had to cancel because I just wasn't well enough to tackle such a challenge. We may try to go this year.
July found us back in the hospital, in the same ER cubicle, but this time it was for my hubby. His heart was in atrial fibrillation and he required cardioversion, which requires sedation, the placing of pads on the chest and back and then the administration of a shock to, hopefully, get the heart back into a regular rhythm. Thankfully it worked and with God's mercy ,and some beta blockers, he has stayed in rhythm ever since. This event was where my life took a conscious directional shift. As I looked at Hub and noticed the bags under his eyes, observed his exhausted state, and realized that his funky heart was probably stress related, I began to find a way that I could ease some of his burden: I decided to find a job.
After exploring many options--medical school, nursing, biomedical engineering--I realized that they all came with major 'strings': I would have to re-locate my family, spend less time with them, and probably they would have to discontinue their dance, piano and other activities. After much stumbling, thinking, praying and exploring, I decided upon real estate. It would be perfect: I could study at home, it wouldn't interrupt our family life, the kids could still do all their activities and I could still maintain my position as a homemaker. As a career, real estate would serve to: ease some of the burdens from my hubby's wallet, allow me to work my own hours (thereby getting the kids to their activities) and seemed to be the best fit! I was excited.
The month of August found my husband and I doing a 13 week running program. During these runs we talked about my idea to enter real estate and decided that I would pursue it. Running was both great and HARD, but we persevered and ended up the program by doing 10km runs in under 60 minutes. Our goal was to do a triathlon in May 2010, but when the swimming portion of our training came up I found myself alone at the pool swimming laps (Hub's a bit nervous in the water). I enjoyed swimming so much more than running but unfortunately that darn arm of mine didn't. The pain and pinching became almost unbearable and eventually my entire training regimen (running and swimming both) died a quick death. I now run less than once every 2 months. Sigh. Hoping to get that back up and going again soon!
September and October were very busy with the start of school and organizing PAC events such as the Welcome Back BBQ. This was the first year for Miss Kay and I to be the President and Vice President of the school PAC and so it was a real whirlwind couple of months for us! The girls also began dancing at a new studio and that meant more hours dancing and overcoming the awkward 'newness' that comes with changes. In October, I began my real estate course.
November and December were filled with routine things and preparation for Christmas. I experienced my first, and definitely not my last, Black Friday shopping frenzy down south! What a crazy weekend! Christmas came and went, and we were able to get up to Hubby's parents place to spend a couple of days with family. Wonderful time. I finished the first half of my course.
In January, after studying the calendar, I realized that I was going to have to get really aggressive with completing my real estate course because I wanted to be finished before my family came down to spend the Olympics with us. I set my goal to complete the course in 6 weeks. It was lofty, it was overly aggressive and my family encouraged me not to set myself up for failure as I have always set my goals too high and always fallen way, way, way short of them. You know that saying: If you shoot for the moon, and you fail, at least you will fall among the stars? Well my goals are so high that when I fall I don't even make it out of the stratosphere! I really felt I could do this so I surged ahead. The first assignment I completed 2 days early, then the second one 4 days early, the third 8 days early...and on and on. It became clear to me if I continued at the pace I was going that this goal was going to be attainable. To make a long story short, I put in over 120 hours and finished the second half of the course in one week! I know it was through the Lord's hand that I was able to accomplish this. Undoubtedly! My goal to write the exam the day before my family arrived was met: I wrote the exam and got my grade that night, 91%!! I couldn't believe it!! So exciting.
February was a blast! Olympic fever struck our house HARD! My brother was so very generous with his tickets that Hubby and I got to take in about 5 events each! Hub was there for the men's Canada vs. Slovakia hockey game; I saw Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir win the gold medal in Ice Dancing Pairs; and even got to see Hedley and Great Big Sea perform at 2 victory ceremonies! When family and the Olympics left we felt a great void but it didn't last long because March came...
March brought the Paralympics and with that came the opening ceremonies that our girls got to perform in. I can't describe the feeling of sitting amongst 60,000 people waving glowing sticks and cheering for the dancers/performers and knowing that two of those little dancers were mine! I was so excited for them to have that opportunity! They had a fabulous time and had smiles a mile wide for quite awhile. This month also marked the beginning of dance competition. Our first was so successful with the girls winning all their categories. Kiki's tap number had the 5th highest mark for Division 1 and qualified for the Championships. They danced amazingly well and, if I may say so, they should have won!! Mo's jazz and modern group numbers were 7th and 8th highest for Division 2 but only the top 6 got to advance to the Championships. This competition saw Morgan WIN her first tap solo! She was amazing; we were so happy for her! March also saw me sign up with my real estate brokerage and receive my license to be a certified Realtor. Talk about irony: the day I signed up was one month short of my one year 'rebirth' anniversary. The moment was pretty intense for me.
April is here now and also full of exciting things. I already have a number of clients and am very excited to serve them. I think I'm going to LOVE this career! April also begins the Temple open house (from April 9-24) where I have been called to serve as a tour guide. The Lord has greater confidence in me than I do. I am stone cold terrified! Some say I write well, and I thank you for that, but I do not speak well. Things in my head lose their effect as they exit my mouth in words. I pray, fervently, that God will put the words in my mouth that I need to say. I also pray that you, my friends, will come to see this beautiful building. It is the House of the Lord and you can feel His spirit there. Please come!
So, that's my year. It's been a very momentous one--from near death to a rebirth--in 365 days. I know the hand of the Lord has supported, blessed, carried, and ministered to me. God and His Son, Jesus Christ, live, and They love each one of us. Family and friends are the most important things we can ever have in our lives. They also love, support, uplift and bless us. I am grateful to all the special people who have touched my life....you all mean so much more to me than I could ever express.
Thank you.
I love you.
"No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever."
- Francois Mocuriac
Comments
Lots of Love,
Amanda
xoxoxox
Hugs Kim
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