Me and my shadow....
have grown very large.
Which is why I am on a diet.
One of my girlfriends gave me a gift in high school that said DIET is DIE with a 'T'. Do you think it was ironic that the saying was etched onto a PLATE?! (looking back, I am a bit offended by this gift. What was my friend trying to tell me? I was all of 130lbs back then!!!) Ah, I digress. As usual.
So, here I am, sitting at the computer...DIE-ing...and it's 10:30pm and I want a SNACK!! NOW!!
But I won't.
I'm usually very strong for the first couple of days. And then I allow myself one little 'cheat' and it's ballgame over. That little cheat is a slippery slope, one I go careening down faster than chocolate melts in your car on a hot day, faster than the time it takes to crack open a bag of chips, faster than the drive through at Tim Hortons...
Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.
One little cheat goes a long way.
So as I sit here, desperately distracting my growly tummy by occupying my brain and fingers on this blog, I am reminded that when I get up in the morning I get to eat again.
Yum.
Fruit.
Not Yum.
I'm not a fruit lover. I know, I'm weird. (Is this the first time you've noticed that?). I would much rather have a plate of steamed broccoli with a little bit of melted butter for breakfast then an apple, however the program that I am quasi-following, called Fit for Life, encourages fruit in the morning until noon. I'm trying my best to succeed, so I face the morning with an orange and an apple. Just for the record: I really like toast and butter in the morning. Or even multi grain cheerios. An apple and an orange just don't have the 'comfort' I seek.
But I am persevering. I'm already on day two!! (clap enthusiastically for the Crazee Chick please!) Only 19 more to go!!
I'm giving myself three weeks before I weigh in. Three weeks to re-train my digestive system. Three weeks to control my junk food addiction. Three weeks of vegan-ish vegetarianism. Three weeks of HELL!
No wheat.
No meat.
No dairy.
(I am sneaking a little ranch dressing on my salad though so please don't tell the Vegan Police!)
And hopefully by the end of this hellish three weeks of no wheat, no meat, no dairy, I'll have no 'shelf' on my backside, no dunlop (that's where your belly dun lops over your jeans) and no reason to continue buying the next size up in clothing. And probably no sense of humor, taste or smell. Eating that healthy can't really be all that good for you, can it? Where will I get my preservatives? Don't I need these to keep me wrinkle free and well... preserved? Goodbye Cheetos, goodbye chocolate bars, goodbye...goodbye...goodbye. I love you all and will miss you so much more than you will ever know.
I can do this! I did this before for three weeks and I have to admit that I felt amazing: my skin was clear, I lost 15 lbs, and I had tons of energy. About a week into it I was ready to eat my own toes (toe jam and all) but after getting over that hurdle it was pretty easy sailing.
So what went wrong?
I cheated.
Slippery slope.
One little piece of chocolate....
Need I say more?
(Wish me luck! and if you walk past me dressed in a chocolate bar wrapper please be forewarned that I am not responsible for my actions...)
Which is why I am on a diet.
One of my girlfriends gave me a gift in high school that said DIET is DIE with a 'T'. Do you think it was ironic that the saying was etched onto a PLATE?! (looking back, I am a bit offended by this gift. What was my friend trying to tell me? I was all of 130lbs back then!!!) Ah, I digress. As usual.
So, here I am, sitting at the computer...DIE-ing...and it's 10:30pm and I want a SNACK!! NOW!!
But I won't.
I'm usually very strong for the first couple of days. And then I allow myself one little 'cheat' and it's ballgame over. That little cheat is a slippery slope, one I go careening down faster than chocolate melts in your car on a hot day, faster than the time it takes to crack open a bag of chips, faster than the drive through at Tim Hortons...
Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.
One little cheat goes a long way.
So as I sit here, desperately distracting my growly tummy by occupying my brain and fingers on this blog, I am reminded that when I get up in the morning I get to eat again.
Yum.
Fruit.
Not Yum.
I'm not a fruit lover. I know, I'm weird. (Is this the first time you've noticed that?). I would much rather have a plate of steamed broccoli with a little bit of melted butter for breakfast then an apple, however the program that I am quasi-following, called Fit for Life, encourages fruit in the morning until noon. I'm trying my best to succeed, so I face the morning with an orange and an apple. Just for the record: I really like toast and butter in the morning. Or even multi grain cheerios. An apple and an orange just don't have the 'comfort' I seek.
But I am persevering. I'm already on day two!! (clap enthusiastically for the Crazee Chick please!) Only 19 more to go!!
I'm giving myself three weeks before I weigh in. Three weeks to re-train my digestive system. Three weeks to control my junk food addiction. Three weeks of vegan-ish vegetarianism. Three weeks of HELL!
No wheat.
No meat.
No dairy.
(I am sneaking a little ranch dressing on my salad though so please don't tell the Vegan Police!)
And hopefully by the end of this hellish three weeks of no wheat, no meat, no dairy, I'll have no 'shelf' on my backside, no dunlop (that's where your belly dun lops over your jeans) and no reason to continue buying the next size up in clothing. And probably no sense of humor, taste or smell. Eating that healthy can't really be all that good for you, can it? Where will I get my preservatives? Don't I need these to keep me wrinkle free and well... preserved? Goodbye Cheetos, goodbye chocolate bars, goodbye...goodbye...goodbye. I love you all and will miss you so much more than you will ever know.
I can do this! I did this before for three weeks and I have to admit that I felt amazing: my skin was clear, I lost 15 lbs, and I had tons of energy. About a week into it I was ready to eat my own toes (toe jam and all) but after getting over that hurdle it was pretty easy sailing.
So what went wrong?
I cheated.
Slippery slope.
One little piece of chocolate....
Need I say more?
(Wish me luck! and if you walk past me dressed in a chocolate bar wrapper please be forewarned that I am not responsible for my actions...)
Comments