It's a conspiracy.....
I swear there’s a conspiracy going on in my house.
I think there’s some scheming, some cheating, and a little bit of fun going on.
And it’s not what you think.
It’s our family’s socks.
Yep, SOCKS!
When I put my socks into the washing machine, they go in as PAIRS but lately, and this is occurring at an alarmingly increasing rate, they’re coming out as SINGLES. Yes, my socks are divorcing one another!!
Why do they not like each other anymore? Have they fallen out of love due to issues that we can fix? Maybe one has a hole and this bothers the OCD partner? Maybe it’s a color issue. Blue socks in pairs perhaps can depress one another. Maybe I should take the blue one and offer to pair it with a happy color like yellow. Both are alone anyway…it might make a nice match.
I wonder where they go? In my old machine, I often thought that the socks maybe got ejected during the spin cycle and fell from the tub, but when we got rid of the old washer and opened it up, I didn’t find any forlorn, abandoned socks lying in the bottom. I have found many, many pairs of stinky socks in my girls’ dance bags, but they are usually in pairs at that point. It isn’t until they actually hit the machine that they ‘break up’ with each other.
Hmmm…where do they go?
Well, I have my theories. They are conspiring against us. You know, you’ve felt it too. Those socks…they just ….VANISH! Poof!
They’re trying to make us crazy.
They’re hiding in various places that are, until this point, undisclosed to us, but let me be the bearer of enlightenment. Forget looking behind the TV, the dance bags, the bottom of the laundry basket. Forget ‘storing’ the single sock in the pedestal drawer of your washing machine. They’re never going to turn up. Wanna know why? ‘Cause they have a life! Yep, you, the human, the higher life form with opposable thumbs, who washes them, do not have a life…but they do.
Know where you’ll find them? Well, my first theory is that they hang out in elementary school gymnasiums and skulk in corners until all the lights are turned out and the teachers and custodians have gone home for the night and then, and then, and then….are you ready for this? …they turn on the music and they all get together in their miss-matched pairs and they have a SOCK HOP! Yes…that’s what they’re doing! They are dancing close, heel to toe and toe to heel, and they are laughing at us as we remain at home, searching, searching, searching for them.
Another theory, and again, this is unproven, but I think some of them might be sports fans and they have somehow managed to catch a ride on the floor of someone’s van, or in the toe of someone’s too-big-shoe and they are at the stadium catching a SOCK-ER (soccer) game! Yep, you know I’m right don’t you? It's all starting to come together in your mind now isn't it?
And finally, perhaps we have some socks that are just more philosophical and educated then the rest of us and they have made a pilgrimage. Yes, a pilgrimage….to Greece…to visit…can you guess?...yes, the grave of SOCK-rates (Socrates)!
Okay, we’ve figured out the problem, now what’s the solution? Well, I guess we could pin them together but then they’ll rebel and make lots of holes in themselves. We could put them in a lingerie bag and wash them all together but I’m thinking that’s just asking for an orgy. And finally….we could just teach ‘em a lesson and when one goes missing his/her partner gets ‘axed.’ Yep…the left over one gets tossed in the garbage!
That’ll teach them little buggers for trying to trick us!
Okay, so, thanks for reading. I have to run to the store now to buy some socks. Thank goodness summer is coming soon and my family doesn’t have to be a victim of the sock-conspiracy any longer. Yep, summer equals flip flops and flip flops don’t work with socks. Ha, ha….you socks. You’re done!!! Mwu ha ha ha ha…
Who’s got the last laugh now Sock-er (sucker)?
_______________________________________________________________
Next topic of discussion: What to do about those pigs that live in my van?
I think there’s some scheming, some cheating, and a little bit of fun going on.
And it’s not what you think.
It’s our family’s socks.
Yep, SOCKS!
When I put my socks into the washing machine, they go in as PAIRS but lately, and this is occurring at an alarmingly increasing rate, they’re coming out as SINGLES. Yes, my socks are divorcing one another!!
Why do they not like each other anymore? Have they fallen out of love due to issues that we can fix? Maybe one has a hole and this bothers the OCD partner? Maybe it’s a color issue. Blue socks in pairs perhaps can depress one another. Maybe I should take the blue one and offer to pair it with a happy color like yellow. Both are alone anyway…it might make a nice match.
I wonder where they go? In my old machine, I often thought that the socks maybe got ejected during the spin cycle and fell from the tub, but when we got rid of the old washer and opened it up, I didn’t find any forlorn, abandoned socks lying in the bottom. I have found many, many pairs of stinky socks in my girls’ dance bags, but they are usually in pairs at that point. It isn’t until they actually hit the machine that they ‘break up’ with each other.
Hmmm…where do they go?
Well, I have my theories. They are conspiring against us. You know, you’ve felt it too. Those socks…they just ….VANISH! Poof!
They’re trying to make us crazy.
They’re hiding in various places that are, until this point, undisclosed to us, but let me be the bearer of enlightenment. Forget looking behind the TV, the dance bags, the bottom of the laundry basket. Forget ‘storing’ the single sock in the pedestal drawer of your washing machine. They’re never going to turn up. Wanna know why? ‘Cause they have a life! Yep, you, the human, the higher life form with opposable thumbs, who washes them, do not have a life…but they do.
Know where you’ll find them? Well, my first theory is that they hang out in elementary school gymnasiums and skulk in corners until all the lights are turned out and the teachers and custodians have gone home for the night and then, and then, and then….are you ready for this? …they turn on the music and they all get together in their miss-matched pairs and they have a SOCK HOP! Yes…that’s what they’re doing! They are dancing close, heel to toe and toe to heel, and they are laughing at us as we remain at home, searching, searching, searching for them.
Another theory, and again, this is unproven, but I think some of them might be sports fans and they have somehow managed to catch a ride on the floor of someone’s van, or in the toe of someone’s too-big-shoe and they are at the stadium catching a SOCK-ER (soccer) game! Yep, you know I’m right don’t you? It's all starting to come together in your mind now isn't it?
And finally, perhaps we have some socks that are just more philosophical and educated then the rest of us and they have made a pilgrimage. Yes, a pilgrimage….to Greece…to visit…can you guess?...yes, the grave of SOCK-rates (Socrates)!
Okay, we’ve figured out the problem, now what’s the solution? Well, I guess we could pin them together but then they’ll rebel and make lots of holes in themselves. We could put them in a lingerie bag and wash them all together but I’m thinking that’s just asking for an orgy. And finally….we could just teach ‘em a lesson and when one goes missing his/her partner gets ‘axed.’ Yep…the left over one gets tossed in the garbage!
That’ll teach them little buggers for trying to trick us!
Okay, so, thanks for reading. I have to run to the store now to buy some socks. Thank goodness summer is coming soon and my family doesn’t have to be a victim of the sock-conspiracy any longer. Yep, summer equals flip flops and flip flops don’t work with socks. Ha, ha….you socks. You’re done!!! Mwu ha ha ha ha…
Who’s got the last laugh now Sock-er (sucker)?
_______________________________________________________________
Next topic of discussion: What to do about those pigs that live in my van?
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