Hearts, Love and Kisses...and defibrillators!
It is said that God never gives us more than we can handle, but in the words of Mother Theresa, I reply, 'I wish He didn't trust me so much.'
It seems that our lives since April have been one crisis after another. Things slow down just long enough for us to catch our breath and then, WHAM!, along comes another shocker.
It was Hubby's turn this time.
His heart.
He's been having episodes of arrhythmia for quite some time now, but has been dealing with it in his usual quiet, unassuming, and un-acknowledging manner. I love that he is the strong silent type but when it comes to matters of health, I loathe the fact that is like this. He justifies things away...basically hides his head in the sand (sorry Hub, but it is true!) and hopes it will go away. Well, it didn't and the other night I discovered his wild,erratic heartbeat and just about lost my mind! I called the doctor first thing in the morning (because a trip to the ER even with a heart problem was absolutely not an option) and made an appointment. The doctor couldn't find a rhythm so sent Hub off for an EKG and some blood work. We got a call about an hour after the tests and were told to proceed to the hospital because Hubby was in atrial fibrillation! Amidst sobs and complete fear, the kids and I kissed Hubby goodbye as he drove away to the hospital. No sissy ambulance stuff for this guy...no way...
My bud, Cindy, came to sit with my kids (thanks Cin!) so I could go be with Hubby in the ER. It was so surreal to see him on the gurney with an IV in his arm, oxygen tubes in his nose, heart monitor and blood pressure cuff on, because only a few months ago it was me in that position...in almost the same room actually. Both of us shook our heads in amazement at the situation. Hubby felt like normal but the heart monitor suggested otherwise...still in atrial fibrillation...so the doctors administered an anti-arrhythmic drug...Plan A...with the hopes that it would set his heart back on the right course. After an hour or so of waiting for the drug to take effect it was quite clear that Plan A was not going to be the solution. His heart not only didn't take to a sinus rhythm, it actually became tachycardic and his blood pressure was dropping.
So not fun.
Enter Plan B...in the form of a defibrillator cart, defibrillator pads on the chest and a drug to make Hubby sleepy (that was, incidentally, the same drug that killed Michael Jackson). Plan B was yes, a shock to the heart. A shock to our brains as well as we considered the magnitude of what was before us. What if this didn't work? What was Plan C? Were there even any other possibilities?
I knew what Plan C was...
Prayer.
We had been praying all day...sobbing prayer, begging prayer, humble prayer, comforting prayer, strength sustaining prayer and more begging prayer. Plan B required Plan C to be the kind of prayer that is the hardest to offer: the one where you submit your will to the Lord's and put your life completely into His hands, knowing that He is omnipotent, omniscient and omni-loving. Plan C~Complete surrender.
As the doctors and nurses prepared to de-fibrillate the man that I have loved more than life itself for the past 28 years, I kissed him goodbye and proceeded to the waiting room where I prayed fervently and received comfort. After 15 minutes, I re-entered Hubby's ER room to find him relaxed, smiling and...in perfect sinus rhythm!
Thank you, Lord.
So, what happens now? Well, Hub is wearing a heart monitor for the next 24 hours, then has to go for a cardiac ultrasound tomorrow, a treadmill (stress) test on Thursday and then a cardiology appointment where the doctor will decide whether he needs to be on anti-arrhythmic drugs for the long term. We don't know what has caused this but the doctors suspect it is due to surgery he had on his mitral valve over 18 years ago. I am scared. Scared that there's more ahead....scared that this is the tip of the iceberg. I must remember to exercise Plan C!
Life is so crazy...so full of ups and downs, so full of learning opportunities, so full of chances and missed chances. As I've said before...don't miss those chances to express your love to your family members; don't ever be complacent in your relationship with God; and never, never, never, miss the opportunity to hug and hold the ones you love tightly!
And remember...the Lord never gives us more than we can handle, but if it's at all possible, I'd like to ask Him to be less confident in my abilities in the future. I don't know how much more of this I can stand!
It seems that our lives since April have been one crisis after another. Things slow down just long enough for us to catch our breath and then, WHAM!, along comes another shocker.
It was Hubby's turn this time.
His heart.
He's been having episodes of arrhythmia for quite some time now, but has been dealing with it in his usual quiet, unassuming, and un-acknowledging manner. I love that he is the strong silent type but when it comes to matters of health, I loathe the fact that is like this. He justifies things away...basically hides his head in the sand (sorry Hub, but it is true!) and hopes it will go away. Well, it didn't and the other night I discovered his wild,erratic heartbeat and just about lost my mind! I called the doctor first thing in the morning (because a trip to the ER even with a heart problem was absolutely not an option) and made an appointment. The doctor couldn't find a rhythm so sent Hub off for an EKG and some blood work. We got a call about an hour after the tests and were told to proceed to the hospital because Hubby was in atrial fibrillation! Amidst sobs and complete fear, the kids and I kissed Hubby goodbye as he drove away to the hospital. No sissy ambulance stuff for this guy...no way...
My bud, Cindy, came to sit with my kids (thanks Cin!) so I could go be with Hubby in the ER. It was so surreal to see him on the gurney with an IV in his arm, oxygen tubes in his nose, heart monitor and blood pressure cuff on, because only a few months ago it was me in that position...in almost the same room actually. Both of us shook our heads in amazement at the situation. Hubby felt like normal but the heart monitor suggested otherwise...still in atrial fibrillation...so the doctors administered an anti-arrhythmic drug...Plan A...with the hopes that it would set his heart back on the right course. After an hour or so of waiting for the drug to take effect it was quite clear that Plan A was not going to be the solution. His heart not only didn't take to a sinus rhythm, it actually became tachycardic and his blood pressure was dropping.
So not fun.
Enter Plan B...in the form of a defibrillator cart, defibrillator pads on the chest and a drug to make Hubby sleepy (that was, incidentally, the same drug that killed Michael Jackson). Plan B was yes, a shock to the heart. A shock to our brains as well as we considered the magnitude of what was before us. What if this didn't work? What was Plan C? Were there even any other possibilities?
I knew what Plan C was...
Prayer.
We had been praying all day...sobbing prayer, begging prayer, humble prayer, comforting prayer, strength sustaining prayer and more begging prayer. Plan B required Plan C to be the kind of prayer that is the hardest to offer: the one where you submit your will to the Lord's and put your life completely into His hands, knowing that He is omnipotent, omniscient and omni-loving. Plan C~Complete surrender.
As the doctors and nurses prepared to de-fibrillate the man that I have loved more than life itself for the past 28 years, I kissed him goodbye and proceeded to the waiting room where I prayed fervently and received comfort. After 15 minutes, I re-entered Hubby's ER room to find him relaxed, smiling and...in perfect sinus rhythm!
Thank you, Lord.
So, what happens now? Well, Hub is wearing a heart monitor for the next 24 hours, then has to go for a cardiac ultrasound tomorrow, a treadmill (stress) test on Thursday and then a cardiology appointment where the doctor will decide whether he needs to be on anti-arrhythmic drugs for the long term. We don't know what has caused this but the doctors suspect it is due to surgery he had on his mitral valve over 18 years ago. I am scared. Scared that there's more ahead....scared that this is the tip of the iceberg. I must remember to exercise Plan C!
Life is so crazy...so full of ups and downs, so full of learning opportunities, so full of chances and missed chances. As I've said before...don't miss those chances to express your love to your family members; don't ever be complacent in your relationship with God; and never, never, never, miss the opportunity to hug and hold the ones you love tightly!
And remember...the Lord never gives us more than we can handle, but if it's at all possible, I'd like to ask Him to be less confident in my abilities in the future. I don't know how much more of this I can stand!
Comments
I hope hubby is doing well and relaxing.. I have been down the road he is going on now.. And you yourself try to relax also.. Hard as it may seem.. Just enjoy your great family and may god look down at the family and bless you all..