Three Loaves, No Fishes...and No Miracle.
I bet you think I'm going to recount a biblical story. I'm not, because what happened in my kitchen today was anything but miraculous. I am personally convinced that demons were involved.
I've been making bread for about a month now so that means I'm pretty much an expert (I have such issues of grandiosity that it's pathetic. If 'grandiosity' isn't a word then it should be 'cause it sounds so, well, grandiose!) Okay, so if I can just pull myself away from my little ego-centric digression here then I can get on to the story I'm trying to tell. Note to self: Tell little voices in head to be silent when blogging....
Loaf #1:
Unfortunately I didn't know this loaf number one (affectionately named Rocky) was going to be the first of a number of disasters so I didn't take a picture of it, but really, you didn't need your eyes to see the disaster of this loaf, you needed your muscles.
So, I'm talking to Mo and measuring out the flour at the same time. "Was that the third or the fourth cup just now?", I pause to ask Mo. She thinks for a second and says, "I think it was the third." I think so too so I add the 'fourth' cup but as I pick up the container to pop it into the breadmaker I notice that it is much heavier than usual. "Oops", I say to Mo, "I don't think so..."
Like an eager mother bird waiting for her eggs to hatch, I keep peeking at my loaf of bread throughout the baking process. It looks beautiful! It's nicely rounded, golden brown and.....as heavy as a rock!!
Loaf #1 finds a home in the garbage.
Loaf #2:
I buy some 'bread' flour and set about creating loaf number 2 (affectionately known as Doh-doh). I'm not about to be discouraged by Loaf #1; nor am I about to be outwited by dough, duh! This time I put out four spoons, and as I pour each cup of flour into the container, I move a spoon forward. Four spoons sitting side by side...yep, I've conquered this recipe~I am victorious! No dough can 'duh' me...nu uh.
Loaf #2 rises really well. In fact, there's still another hour to go and it's practically touching the lid! Oh, this flour is going to make a FINE loaf of bread. I check the loaf about 10 minutes later and it is literally pushing the lid off the machine!!! What do I do now? Well, I open the machine, scoop out about 1 cup of dough, close the lid and pray for the best. Prayers are not answered...no miracle here.
Not only do I have a loaf of bread with out a lid (thus the name Do-do) but the crater/bread makes a huge, practically irreparable, mess. After partially dismantling the break maker so that I can soak the cooked on mess that no amount of scraping with a butter knife would loosen, I re-assemble it and proceed to put my failures behind me and move on to the THIRD LOAF (insert ominous music/laughter here)
Loaf #3
Okay, I can totally do this! Man, is the house really hot from all this bread making or is it that I'm breaking into a nervous sweat? To make a long story short, the bread recipe is followed accurately, the loaf turns out beautifully, my house smells like a bakery....so, what's the problem?!
I can't get the flippin' loaf out of the pan! No amount of shaking, smacking, twisting, screaming, hysterical laughter....will get the darn thing to leave it's home. I actually get Mo to film it because I am beyond believing at this point.
Finally we have lift off...or lift out, in this case...and, dare I say it? Success? I guess the proof will be in the eatin'...
I think I'm going to blame all this on a Boggart or something, because look what my jar of pesto did while loaf #2 was baking. The lid was closed and yet the oil managed to escape! Can you explain this?
I've been making bread for about a month now so that means I'm pretty much an expert (I have such issues of grandiosity that it's pathetic. If 'grandiosity' isn't a word then it should be 'cause it sounds so, well, grandiose!) Okay, so if I can just pull myself away from my little ego-centric digression here then I can get on to the story I'm trying to tell. Note to self: Tell little voices in head to be silent when blogging....
Loaf #1:
Unfortunately I didn't know this loaf number one (affectionately named Rocky) was going to be the first of a number of disasters so I didn't take a picture of it, but really, you didn't need your eyes to see the disaster of this loaf, you needed your muscles.
So, I'm talking to Mo and measuring out the flour at the same time. "Was that the third or the fourth cup just now?", I pause to ask Mo. She thinks for a second and says, "I think it was the third." I think so too so I add the 'fourth' cup but as I pick up the container to pop it into the breadmaker I notice that it is much heavier than usual. "Oops", I say to Mo, "I don't think so..."
Like an eager mother bird waiting for her eggs to hatch, I keep peeking at my loaf of bread throughout the baking process. It looks beautiful! It's nicely rounded, golden brown and.....as heavy as a rock!!
Loaf #1 finds a home in the garbage.
Loaf #2:
I buy some 'bread' flour and set about creating loaf number 2 (affectionately known as Doh-doh). I'm not about to be discouraged by Loaf #1; nor am I about to be outwited by dough, duh! This time I put out four spoons, and as I pour each cup of flour into the container, I move a spoon forward. Four spoons sitting side by side...yep, I've conquered this recipe~I am victorious! No dough can 'duh' me...nu uh.
Loaf #2 rises really well. In fact, there's still another hour to go and it's practically touching the lid! Oh, this flour is going to make a FINE loaf of bread. I check the loaf about 10 minutes later and it is literally pushing the lid off the machine!!! What do I do now? Well, I open the machine, scoop out about 1 cup of dough, close the lid and pray for the best. Prayers are not answered...no miracle here.
Not only do I have a loaf of bread with out a lid (thus the name Do-do) but the crater/bread makes a huge, practically irreparable, mess. After partially dismantling the break maker so that I can soak the cooked on mess that no amount of scraping with a butter knife would loosen, I re-assemble it and proceed to put my failures behind me and move on to the THIRD LOAF (insert ominous music/laughter here)
Loaf #3
Okay, I can totally do this! Man, is the house really hot from all this bread making or is it that I'm breaking into a nervous sweat? To make a long story short, the bread recipe is followed accurately, the loaf turns out beautifully, my house smells like a bakery....so, what's the problem?!
I can't get the flippin' loaf out of the pan! No amount of shaking, smacking, twisting, screaming, hysterical laughter....will get the darn thing to leave it's home. I actually get Mo to film it because I am beyond believing at this point.
Finally we have lift off...or lift out, in this case...and, dare I say it? Success? I guess the proof will be in the eatin'...
I think I'm going to blame all this on a Boggart or something, because look what my jar of pesto did while loaf #2 was baking. The lid was closed and yet the oil managed to escape! Can you explain this?
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